Through our local Alzheimer’s Society, my husband and I met a wonderful group of people. Since 2017 we’ve been having breakfast together every Friday (shout out to the amazing servers at Burger World), but we also meet each other in twos and threes throughout the week for coffee, walks, meals, and always, always support. If we need a favour, a shoulder, a hug, someone to laugh with or someone to cry with - we are all caregivers, and we give care to each member of our group.
Our relationships far transcend the Dementia that brought us together. These are the people on whose doorstep I can arrive with no notice. These are the texts I’ll reply to as soon as I see them, and the phone calls I’ll answer even if I’m in tears and letting other calls go straight to message. These are my emergency contacts, this is my Covid Bubble. I never actually rang anyone at 4:00 am when I needed to shower my husband and change the sheets for the second time that night . . . but I know I could have picked up the phone and someone would have arrived.
We have taken several courses together and participated in group activities; we share resources and we try to offer practical help when we can. Sometimes help is the seemingly smallest thing: someone passing me a cup of tea. The act of love, the cup of tea itself, the silent acknowledgement that brewing tea was a skill Dementia stole from my husband.
We celebrate birthdays and we mark anniversaries. We take turns being bossy, angry, dejected, exhausted. We send each other silly memes and serious articles. We help carry the memories our loved ones no longer hold. One of us crochets and cooks the best pizza, another makes cards and the most beautiful quilts, another sorts out technical challenges and makes us laugh. I take photos for a scrapbook, preserving our shared history, moments to remind us who we were, and who we are.
Mostly, we listen. We understand. We empathise.
I can’t imagine how much more difficult this journey would have been without my Breakfast Club. If I could wave a magic wand, I’d gift everyone such a special group of friends.
Being met where you are by those who are there as well is fulfilling and bolstering, no matter the circumstance. Happy to read you can be anchors for one another. Thank you for sharing this beautiful gratitude.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I am far less shy than I used to be about telling people that I love them, that my life is richer because of them, and in 2020 gratitude feels more important than ever. (If I could wave that magic wand, I'd also translate our 7:30 clapping for front line workers into proper salaries, and job security, and, and, and . . .)
DeleteYou are such a beautiful writer, Louise. xo
ReplyDeleteI am learning from the best! (Yes - I mean YOU!!) :)
DeleteWhat a beautiful love letter. A community of people who empathize and listen and care is a blessing. I am sure they feel equally grateful to have you on their side as you do to have them.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Lindsay. We are a bundle of sticks, so much stronger together than alone. {heart emoji}
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